For I know the plans that I have for you

So I have arrived in Uganda!!! And it is beautiful!! I am falling in love more and more every day. It still feels really surreal that I'm here, but at the same time it feels like I always have been. It is so peaceful here, and I feel so satisfied by where Jesus has me at the moment. Its strange, I suppose I was expecting to feel really out of my depth, and like I'm not ready for Africa…but I am. I know its only my second week, and I'm likely to have times when I feel completely freaked out…but I feel this grace like nothing else to just be here, and to not worry about tomorrow or if I have enough love to give the kids!! I’m just here, and it feels good.

I have had Jeremiah 29:11-13 in my head a lot recently…over the last few months I have found my bible opening at that passage loads.

“For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. ‘Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. ‘You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.”

Its true, He knows the plans he has made for us and they are good. He knows what he is doing and His desire is to bless us, not hurt us! And I'm beginning to understand the second part of the verses too. When you give yourself whole-heartedly to the one who asks for everything you won’t be disappointed. He will meet you! And he will open up His heart for you to take it all! That’s so amazing! It is completely in my hands if I abandon myself to love or not. He loves us that much that he will put the ball in our court…and then he will wait.

Anyway…so since I have been here life has been pretty crazy!! Revelation Life are all about spending as much time in the 3 slums they work in as possible and so im getting used to always being covered in children and dirt. The first I love, the second I put up with. We work in 3 different slums called Kina, Kasubi and Banda. Each one is beautiful. Not because of the scenery, but because of the people that live there. Im blown away more and more everyday by the children, and can feel my heart growing for them! There is a little girl called Claire in Kasubi that we work with. She is GORGEOUS!!! And ridiculously cheeky! Im starting to get excited when I know im going into her slum to see her. And it feels good! When you love more your heart is enlarged and that is what im seeking. Yesterday when we went into Kasubi I played with Claire for quite a while. As I sat in the dirt she danced round me singing and clapping, it was one of my favoutrite moments I had here so far. Im looking forward to the rest.

I will leave you with a beautiful picture of a beautiful baby girl. My Claire.

Killing fear

Well i dont really know where to start with this post....the last couple of weeks have been pretty crazy for me....on Sunday i got back from spending 2 weeks in the beautiful California with some good good friends. I went for a wee holiday and for an Iris reunion/conference for all harvest school alumni....i loved every second!! Literally! Its so amazing to me how i manage to forget how much i love my Mozambican family until i see them again after a (long) while and i remember why i missed them so much in the first place! They really are my family! And there is something different about the relationship we share with each other because of where we have been and what we have experienced as a group. They are my favourites!!

Anyways! As some of you may know before leaving the UK a had a miniature breakdown....this involved a whole day of crying down the phone to various different people (thanks, you know who you are) and attempting to rationalise all the change that was happening around me...thoughts that went through my head were along the lines of "how do i slow this process down?" & "i wonder what would happen if i just miss my flight to the US "by mistake" and dont ever leave the country ever again?". For those of you that know me this is the opposite of how i normally feel about travelling......i LOVE travelling, its one of my most favourite things in the whole world!! So for me this experience was pretty terrible. After some serious reassurance from friends and from Jesus i ended up screwing my head back on and pulling myself together. Looking back on it i realise now i was pretty much just freaking out about Uganda. I felt like i was leaving for good, and i really wasnt ready!

Im learning that God can take me on a path I am afraid to take, because he knows that doing what Im afraid of will kill my fear. Even if at the beginning i dont even know what im afraid of, or what fear dying even looks like! He does. He knows. And i trust that. More than the fear i trust him. And you know what? He always kills the fear. It has to die. Fear has no choice when you say yes to Papa God.

For me it looked like getting on a plane. It looked like a reunion of friends. It looked like an abandoned heart. It looked like the Holy Spirit. It looked like the cup of joy and the cup of sacrifice. It looked like my heart growing and expanding for a people i have never met before. It looked like the faces of the kids im going to fall in love with when i get to Uganda....and thats just the start.

I feel like my heart has been changed, i feel like my eyes have been opened a little wider, and i feel the anticipation of a God in love with me who knows that Uganda will kill my fear. He is excited, because he knows. So much more than i could ever know, he knows.

Over the summer during Soul Survivor i felt God ask me if i would walk blind into my future, he asked me if i would be willing to take every step without knowing whats next for me. I said yes, and i havent had to wait long to experience what that looks like. For me the feelings i felt before the states were me walking blind. And it was hard. But my Dad is GOOD!!! He is so so GOOD! And his leading is like nothing else.

So on Sunday i leave for Uganda (The date is 10/10/10 - it means something!!!!!) and im excited. I feel prepared because of what Jesus did whilst i was in California (thank you!) and even though fear tries to creep back in i remind myself that fear is dead. God knows what he is doing, and even though i feel like my heart currently isnt big enough, HIS IS!!!!! And he trusts me to borrow it for a while....or FOREVER.