00.20

I was thinkink about if i wanted to post how im feeling at the moment, but i want you all to know whats going on in my head on this journey. I want to be real with you. I dont want to sugar coat stuff! So hear it is!

Its 12.20 and i should be asleep but my head is swimming in thoughts.....i feel overwhelmed by change!! I finished my job today, and although most people would be ecstatic about the idea of not working and having the opportunity to travel the world part of me is missing it already. It really was a job that i loved, not so much for the work but for the people! I feel sad, but as i seek the face of Jesus in all of this transition he reminds me that for new things to begin, old things have to end.

The last couple of days have been kind of hard for me, i think i was expecting this all to be really easy, but i have in fact found out that it isn't. But i also know that is wasn't easy for Jesus when he went to the cross, but he did it anyway. It really is bizarre walking this road of joy and sacrifice. By moving to Uganda im leaving a lot behind. My job for one, but im also leaving the people i love. Im leaving my family. And that is hard.

I have been so excited for so long about going, and now that its here, and it slowly settles in that im leaving, i find my thoughts going back and forth between "why am i doing this??" and "i cant wait, its going to be so good!!". Its quite annoying actually, i want to switch my brain off but it doesnt seem possible! So i cling onto the promises Jesus has made me.....

'For i know the plans i have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope.' Jeremiah 29:11

I am scared, im not going to lie, but i know Jesus. I know he is good! So i will praise him with everything i am, fear and all. I wont hold back. I refuse to give in. I want to be defined by love not fear. So i will sit at the foot of the cross and gaze up at my King, and remember why im doing all of this.

Its not for me, its for Him.

AFRICA!!!!

This is Africa!! I miss this!! In 2 months, 2 weeks and 4 days thats where i will be…i leave for Uganda on the 10th October and will be there for about 7 months until i come home for my sister wedding!! Since i decided to go to Kampala it has all seemed really surreal…it has felt like something someone else is doing…not me. But in the last few days i feel my heart longing for Uganda in a way i cant explain. I feel broken. I feel like although i have never been there my spirit always has. I am terrified. I know my heart is going to be broken a million times, but i also know im going to see Jesus. Im going to find him at last. I realise that i would rather be terrified with him, than safe without. And that makes me not want to wait.

I am weeping as i write this, i am coming alive inside, i am awakening. I feel like i have been asleep in some way, that i have forgotten, but i dont even know what it is that im trying to remember. But this is it, Jesus is it. And as i remember him, it all makes sense again. My eyes open. And i see.

Its his face.

Its Uganda.